Dale Thacker Aurthor

Tag: mental-health

  • Depressed

    Depressed

    Once I was at the den, I immediately started to chain smoke cigars, the pain was unbearable. The marijuana was making me slightly calmer, but the pain and depression I was feeling, the marijuana wasn’t helping but very little. I’m at a loss I don’t know what to do. I wished Tom and Sue were close, maybe he could help me, the way I had helped him. But he is 2 counties away, and I couldn’t even think about making such a long trip. That’s when I remembered the laced marijuana, I have never wanted to use that shit. I just remember the havoc that Samuel, and Maverick made, while they were on this same laced marijuana. But will I feel better if I do smoke a cigar or 2? I know it’s different than the purple smoke marijuana. I open the secret hiding spot, I’m afraid what I might do! I had another regular cigar, before deciding to smoke a laced PCP Cigar. My head was all messed up now. But now I didn’t care the way I felt, I would go outside and every deer, rabbit or squirrel possum I see I would kill it. I got pleasure out of killing, and just leaving the dead body lying on the ground. The pain was there but the thrill of the kill, made me have a little enjoyment. I’m thinking after this killing spree about Bud! I need to calm done. I must get control of myself, I’m all that Bud, Lucille and Dottie have now. They will need their big brother; to teach them all they need to know to survive.

    That evening, I smoked a few cigars to try to calm down. I was calmer but mad as hell, and very depressed I must get through this. I must be there for, Bud Lucille and Dottie. They need more than ever. After a sleepless night I go outside and what the fuck do I hear. Damn hounds they are over towards Maverick’s and Luna’s. I should go help. But I can’t even help myself right now I’m so depressed.

    I go back to my secret hiding spot, I grabbed 2 cigars. I smoked one and had one to take with me. Off across the road I go, no care in the world. The dogs are chasing Maverick, I don’t see Luna anywhere. No other dogs I hear, so I think she is safe, but I’m angry as shit, I head towards Maverick and the hounds. I have heard them bay him twice, but he continues running. He has covered 5 miles of mountainous territory now; the dogs have caught him again. He went up the tree this time, he will be killed if I don’t help him. I go to the tree there a huge pack of dogs. It looks like someone new, is hunting in this territory today. I don’t recognize any of these dogs. I walk to the tree with no care in this world. The dogs turn their attention on me. I have 13 dogs right on top of me, trying to pull me apart. Will I survive this vicious attack. I smack 1 dog his lifeless body goes down the hill 40 feet. The attack continues as I kill one dog after another. I’m bleeding all over from the attack but I don’t feel it. There are only 3 dogs left, they turned to run I chased them down and didn’t leave a dog alive. Maverick comes up to me after that, and said thanks. I yell at him you damn coward, learn to fight your own damn fights. I can’t even think about fighting my fight, much less yours. If it not for this marijuana, the hunters would have been here shortly to kill you. Now get your cowedly ass back to your den. I can’t keep saving your fucking ass. Maverick could tell that I wasn’t right, but he had no idea why.

    I see Luna coming, and she also told me thanks, I yelled at her in rage, Maverick is no boar bear, he will end up getting killed, and you also and maybe Susan and Heather. Luna said what the fuck wrong with you Benajmin, I know you are hurting, but why the fuck you so mean to us. It’s like you have been smoking laced marijuana. Well LUNA, you have never lost your damn mom, maybe I am smoking laced marijuana. What the fuck you want to do about it. Luna said, she had heard of all the animals, that I had killed, and it was like Samuel and Maverick on the loose again! I stated y’all both lucky, I don’t kill both of you right now! Luna said if you have ever cared for me, please just go back to your den. Smoke some regular marijuana to try to calm yourself. I want you to know, I have always looked at you as you as a superhero. Today I don’t see this, I see you as a villain. Although I do owe you a thank you for saving Maverick. I told Luna, I was sorry but I’ve been in so much pain. I will go and try to smoke some regular marijuana, but I make you no promises. I’m all over the place, I don’t know what I may do the next second!

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  • Early Fall

    Early Fall

    Well, I have some good days and some not so good days. I’m happy and loving life on my good days. On my bad days, I go out and try to talk to all our neighbors, and family. I prefer to do this, then to go straight to marijuana. There are days when this works perfectly, and I can get myself out of my head. I truly missed out on a golden opportunity with Luna; if I had feeling for her earlier, I wouldn’t be going through this now. Even when I’m very depressed, I don’t let anyone know how depressed I am. I know Sophia and Oliver both realize, I’m not happy at times. They both ask are you Ok. My answer is always yes. When talking to others I don’t let them see how depressed I am. I don’t want anyone else to worry about me. When I walk down to the pond, with my fishing pole, that Samuel gave me, this almost always a cure for me and gets me out of my head.

    Well, I’m feeling very depressed today, so I walked over to see Lucy, she is working on her relationship and new family, she didn’t recognize how emotional and depressed that I am. So, I decide to go over Angels, they are having a blast, as they are remodeling their den, and wanting it to be perfect for their new family. I told them, I was stopping bye to say hi. I didn’t want them to know how depressed I was. Well, I guess I need to go by and say hello to my best friend Luna, and my blood brother James. I hope they will have time for me, I’m desperate right now, I just feeling so down and depressed. I’m actually thinking of harming myself right now! With each den that I have visited my depression is getting worse. As I’m getting ready to knock, that’s when I realized the den, was a just a rocking. I heard sounds that told me, that no doubt James and Luna were making wild passionate love. I was thinking damn you James, that should be me. I was about to approach them, and go in to confront James, when I realized I have 1 more option. I have Samuel’s fishing pole, I need to go to the pond to fish for some rainbow trout. That is so much more fun, than the bear way for catching fish, the human way is so much fun. I know that this will get me out of my head, I desperately need help, to get out of my head, I don’t want to hurt myself. But I do have thoughts of that running through my head. I am so depressed right now, I’m all alone.

    Down by the pond the fishing is great. I have already landed a 22 incher, an 18 incher and a whopping 23-inch rainbow trout. I’m actually beginning to feel happy for the first time today. Then I heard a deep voice, you fucking damn bears; coming here catching all my fish. I should just fucking kill you right now. Oh no its farmer Brown, as I reach for my pole, I feel pain as I have never felt before, following a large boom. That damn son of a bitch farmer Brown, just shot me with bird shot. I’m more pissed off right now, then I have ever been in my whole entire life. I started running towards farmer Brown, when he says make my fucking day, you damn thieving bear, just make one more step towards me, and you are fucking dead. I then realized I was less than 5 yards from him, I knew he was serious and if I took another step, I would be dead. I was close enough the bird shot would hit me like a slug. I started running away but that son of a bitch needed 1 more good laugh at me, as he shot another round of bird shot in my ass at 30 yards. I will kill that son of a bitch when if I get a chance. I head back towards our den and the anger, has now turned to the worst depression of my life. I know I can’t go back to the den, with this much depression and anger and pain. I always carry Ceasar’s marijuana with me, I rolled up a cigarette and smoked it. I am feeling just slightly calmer, but my ass hurt so damn bad, from that fucking farmer Brown’s bird shot. I rolled 2 more cigarettes and I was in less pain, and my depression was improving. I am now the marijuana bear now, it not so bad. It has helped me tremendously with the pain and depression. But I never want to use the laced marijuana. Everyone hated the way it effected Samuel and Maverick. The forest was a very dark and unhappy place during that time.

    I continue back to the den, I am in a good mood now, but my ass still hurt unlike it has ever has before. 2 rounds of bird shot sucks; farmer Brown, he is dead I’ll make sure of this. Wow I guess I better smoke 1 more marijuana cigarette no let’s make it a double cigar, before I go in and see Oliver and Sophia. I’m calmer now but not calm enough. I sit and think happy thoughts as I smoke this cigar. Ok I feel better now and I’m having happy thoughts, of Luna; I know I can’t have her, but I can dream, that I can.

    I’m at the den now and I go in and see Oliver helping Sophia fix supper. They said you been gone for a while. Yeah, iv’e been out visiting everyone, even though I really hadn’t spent any time with any of them, I didn’t let them know that. Then I went fishing with my fishing pole, that Samuel had given me. Down at the pond and caught 3 nice rainbow trout, but then unfortunately, I met farmer Brown. I tell them, that farmer Brown had put 2 rounds of bird shot in my ass and it hurts so bad. I also tell them he threatened my life.  Sophia says you know I’ve heard marijuana helps out, to relieve pain also. We keep a small amount here just for situations like this. Would you like me to roll you a cigarette. I said, I guess so, I have never had any marijuana, I know how bad it was for Samuel and Maverick. Sophia says this isn’t laced, it’s some of Ceasar’s marijuana. I said Well, if you think it will help with the pain, go ahead, and roll me one. I smoked this one and I’m now calm as a cucumber and most of the pain is gone. Sophia says let her know later if I need another cigarette. I said OK. I didn’t want them to know of my depression, and that Ceasar had given me some. Oliver said he was going over to kill Farmer Brown, I said NO, he has a gun, he may kill you. Right now, I want the pleasure of killing that bastard.

    It wasn’t long until I was sound asleep, and I slept till mid-day the next day. I don’t think I have every slept that long in my life. Oh, the sweet dreams I had I dreamed that myself and Luna, will hook up later in my life, we will have a family of our own. I know it’s just a dream but dreams do happen. I have no plans of stirring trouble for Maverick and Luna, I will be as supportive, as I have always been of them. Even though it hurts, I must support them.

    I’m in a great mood after awaking, the pain in my ass is better. I decided to go and see if Lucy and James were home. Upon knocking on the door Lucy comes out very happy to see me. She apologizes she said yesterday was a hectic day. She tells me James has gone hunting, she asked if I would like to go fishing. I said yes very much so. I then tell her he has a new way of fishing, that’s is so much fun. It’s the way that we have seen humans’ fish before, with a long fishing pole. I happen to have 2 poles now, the one Samuel gave me, one and then I went out and got me another one, that you can use it. It’s so much fun. I tell her of the pond loaded with rainbow trout, and how big they can get. She said can we go, I said not today. Let’s just catch some native trout. I then proceed to tell her that yesterday, I was so depressed that had I tried to visit everyone, then I could hear Luna having sex with Maverick. I was so depressed by then, I then went fishing, it is so stress relieving, I caught 3 nice rainbow trout. Then I heard farmer Brown, he was angry, he ended up shooting me twice with bird shot. He also threatened to kill me. I was angrier than I have ever been my whole life. When leaving I smoked several marijuana cigarettes. Once back at the den I told Sophia and Oliver, I had gotten shot 2 times and my ass hurt. She gave me another Marijuana cigarette to help with the pain. I didn’t want them to know I was depressed, and already had some marijuana.

    Lucy said she was so sorry for all this. She felt so bad that she didn’t take time for me yesterday. She was totally shocked that Sophia had given me a marijuana cigarette. I never knew she had any in the house. Then she says that she could go and kill farmer Brown for shooting you brother. No one messes with my family, I,m sure farmer Brown will get what’s coming to him someday soon. He is a mean man, we just want a fish or 2, no reason for violence. Thanks’ sis but don’t go down and confront him, I don’t want you injured or killed.

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